Ponderings of a Work at Home Mother

Archive for May, 2011

Boundless Creativity Can Exhaust the Passionate Soul

My creativity knows no bounds! Now, I’m not saying that I know how to sew a wedding dress, create a top-selling peice of art, or compare in entertainment value and sing like Lady Gaga (actually I DO sing better than Lady Gaga but that is a whole other topic); but I am known for producing wonderful things with, usually minimal effort. The things I create, whether a cake, a hand painted peice of art, or a sewn dress, create some oohs and aahhs and it makes me feel great! I am passionate about every one of them…for a moment. The problem is I am always left thinking, if I just had more time, how much better could I do? What could I really acheive?

For example, as many have heard me share the tail, I got very interested in Ukranian Egg Dying. It began with a an interest in East Indian culture. I loved the flowing, beautiful garments they wore, the mystique a trained dancer could leave you mesmorized with, the jewelry, often delicate and just a little flirty. Eventually it led me to an interest in eggs. Yes, it began with the the Indian culture that I ended in Ukraine. On one of those (internet) pages I came across, I saw them advertising materials for dying fabric and also for dying eggs. I quickly became interested in this and ordered a set right away. It was fantastic fun, even if it was tedious, and  I was very interested in how you had to use the different colors in layers to create a scene covered in black ink and wax. Then you would take a flame and melt the wax away to reveal the brilliant colors beneath. It was just so cool! And the first one I did turned out pretty good. I made a few as gifts for a year, including a cute little kitty egg for my sister.

But for some reason, my interest waned and I moved onto  something else…

Later I got big into baking and even created my own distinctive biscotti. I studied and experimented with many recipes (thus my 12 or more varieties of treats every year). I have recipes from my grand mother, recipes from friends, books, even ones I basically made up! I always spend probably a good $200 just on baking supplies during the holidays (Josh ignore that statement). And it makes me so very happy to give them out to friends, family, and anyone who wants something sweet. It brings me joy!

But for some reason, my interest wanes and I move onto something else…

I am so glad that that with one of my hobbies, I’ve resumed learning the art of sewing. The best part is I am working with my Sis-in-law. My first prototypes were on Barbie Dolls when I was young. I even submitted a sewn dress for some kind of Seventeen Magazine contest by one of the big dress companies. My design did not win 😦 But it did not deter my love of apparal and the act of creating it. It is reflected in multiple drawings I’ve created over the years, on napkins or notebook paper, or a collection of blank page books. I show them off from time to time, but I have yet to actually do anything with them. So Teresa and I picked up some material and a few patterns. We managed to get a few lessons and books, and now we are on our way. First it was a pillow, then some jammie pants and even moved on to some more complicated items. It was awesome! Did I mention that the back of that dress is pinned…I never quite finished it. I wanted to but then didn’t quite see the point after the holiday. What a silly way of thinking!

So for some reason, my interest waned and I moved onto something else…

Oh, then lets go back-waaaaaaay back-Music! Music is my soul! I love to sing and had a knack for it pretty early on. It seemed natural to go with what I would love and everyone thought I was good at doing. So I stayed focused, I enjoyed the sincere joy I felt at every sound. But my focus shifted the moment I became pregnant. It wasn’t like I was singing at bars or going to college, so I am not blaming my lack of success on motherhood. Looking back though, that kinda made becoming a singer really challenging. My husband worked a full time job nearly all hours, and I took care of a baby at home. Yet, it still came down to one thing.

For some reason, my interest waned and I moved onto something else…

Now I realize, some of these things cross seasons; cookies are around Christmas, eggs around Easter; but how many seasons do we get in a lifetime? If I were to die at 35, assume I really started baking in 2006, that is only 17 seasons. I will get a number of 17 times I have to really dig in and do baking. That is such a tiny number for something I enjoy so much. The real question, is can I live with that number compared to spending my time doing something else?

Some things just aren’t viable as a career, but will still leave me in heaven every time I experience them. This is music. It is my hobby, my true passion-so it’s a part of my everyday life-but why chance sullying my joy with the approval of others? Why put my family through the challenges of a musician trying to make it. Plus, I get nervous and anyone who sings knows this can affect your voice. This is something I enjoy and I would like to keep it that way. Therefore, it’s not what I want to do all my life 🙂

Other things are fun, I enjoy, and are deeply personal. But with that, like music, it’s kind of an escape. And it’s a treasured task whenever I get to do it (scrapbooking by the way, no naughty thoughts here lol).

So I think, what is the one thing that has been constant, year after year? Which is the one that, if I do nothing else in my off time, I will pick this up? What can I express the most creativity in? What is useful, in demand, and I could do no matter my age? And is there other people I know that could become involved in it if they so chose?

I’ll be honest, I don’t have the answer quite yet. But I feel like I’m getting pretty darn close.

Stay tuned..

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